Mastering Civility in the Workplace
Most of us have come across a toxic boss at some point. I remember one in particular, he was someone who would regularly lash out at colleagues during meetings, often without any real provocation. The mood in the room would shift instantly, and we’d all be on edge. Strangely, this person was celebrated by the leadership team as a high performer. Back then, I remember wondering: is that what it takes to be effective in business?
Now, as I study The Foundations of Happiness at Work with UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, I’m seeing those experiences through a fresh lens. The course explores what really drives high performance, and one powerful answer keeps surfacing: civility.
Through the research of management professor Christine Porath, author of Mastering Civility, I’ve learned that incivility at work isn’t just unpleasant, it’s deeply damaging to performance, relationships, and wellbeing. And yet, we often overlook it or dismiss it as part of the job.
What Rudeness Really Costs a Workplace
Porath’s work shows that when people are ignored, interrupted, mocked, or blamed unfairly, it creates an undercurrent of stress that impacts not only their work but their health and lives outside of work too.
In one study she cites, people exposed to rude behaviour performed significantly worse on problem-solving tasks and had fewer creative ideas. Even those who simply witnessed incivility showed a 20 to 30 percent drop in performance.Rudeness doesn’t just stay in the room, it lingers, distracting the mind and draining energy.
In high-stakes environments like healthcare, the effects can be devastating. A survey of medical professionals found that 71 percent linked abusive conduct at work to medical errors. Nearly a third believed it had contributed to patient deaths. The message is clear: incivility can cost lives.
Why Civility is a Strategic Advantage
It turns out that kindness is not a soft skill, it’s a leadership strength, or a Power Skill, as I like to label it.
Porath’s findings reveal that people who act with civility are more respected and more likely to be seen as collaborative and effective. Leaders who show appreciation, respect, and empathy build trust and resilience within their teams. They also unlock higher levels of engagement and innovation.
Being civil in the workplace means paying attention, listening without interrupting, acknowledging others’ contributions, and creating space for ideas to be heard. These aren’t grand gestures, but they are powerful ones.
What struck me most is the idea that incivility often comes from a lack of awareness, not bad intent. Many people simplydon’t realise how their behaviour is affecting others. That’s why reflection and feedback are so important. Porath even created an online incivility test to help people identify behaviours they may not be conscious of.
She also urges us to explore our unconscious biases. These often shape how we treat others, especially those who seem different from us. By spending time with a more diverse range of people, practicing empathetic listening, and recognising our shared goals, we can build more inclusive, respectful workplaces. The research is clear: more diverse teams make better, more balanced decisions.
Five Habits of a Civil, High-Performing Culture
If we want to create work cultures where people thrive, it starts with simple but powerful habits. Porath outlines five key behaviours that help teams connect better and perform at their best:
1. Share resources
In competitive environments, it can be tempting to hold onto time, knowledge, or support. But people who share generously tend to perform better and experience greater satisfaction. Studies show that the most generous employees, including in high-pressure roles like sales and medicine, often outperform their peers.
2. Share recognition
Everyone wants to feel valued in the workplace. Leaders who acknowledge others’ contributions, and don’t just take the credit, build trust and engagement. It’s a sign of humility, and it creates loyalty.
3. Share gratitude
Saying thank you might seem simple, but it’s incredibly effective. When employees feel appreciated, their confidence grows and they’re more likely to help others. Gratitude also improves our own wellbeing, making us more positive and energised.
4. Share feedback
Transparent feedback isn’t just about performance reviews. Sharing organisational updates and progress fosters a sense of ownership and motivation. Research shows high-performing teams give six times more positive feedback than average teams. It’s about focusing on what’s working as well as what needs to improve.
5. Share purpose
People want to do work that matters. When employees understand how their efforts contribute to a greater mission, they feel more inspired and committed. Sharing customer feedback or social impact stories can reignite meaning and connection.
Final Thoughts
One of the biggest takeaways from this course has been that workplace wellbeing and workplace performance go hand in hand. Civility isn’t something nice to have on top of results, it’s how we achieve them in a sustainable way.
Culture doesn’t shift overnight, but it can start with one person deciding to show up differently. That could be you. It could be me. Small changes in how we treat others can ripple across teams and transform whole organisations.
As Christine Porath puts it:
“Be brave. Try civility on. My bet is that others will like it. And so will you.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Gina Buckney is the Founder of Your People Power, an international speaker, corporate transformation expert, and workplace wellbeing advocate. She is currently studying The Foundations of Happiness at Work with UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.